F.....is For.....Forgiveness

To err is human, to forgive is divine.....

Maybe I am not one of the divine people, because forgiveness is difficult. Writing about it is difficult as well. I've been staring at the blank page for the past three hours.

We have to forgive for God to forgive us, as a matter of fact, we forgive people for our own good, after all, vengeance is the Lord's. ....

If only it were so easy. Even after praying to God for strength, you realise that you haven't forgiven totally. You still see the person sometimes and have flashes of rage, hatred. And you always remember, even months or years after, you realise new ways in which the person offended you, you put new pieces of the puzzle together.

Even after you feel you've forgiven, after all, you wish the person well, even put the person in prayers, its still difficult. If only forgiving and forgetting went hand-in-hand, it would have been so perfect. But maybe God has a reason for not allowing us forget. So that we would never give the person such space in our lives anymore, or so we'll always be on our guard, and trust no one else but God, or maybe that would be the driving force we need to succeed in life, just to prove to the person that you are not as worthless as they said, or maybe so we'll cut the person off totally before the person finally kills us. Who knows?...

It hurts more when the person knows you, knows your characteristics and still decides to take the risk and offend you. Knowing that you give a very long rope, that you keep doing good to repay the person's evil, that you keep warning and yet the person still decides to damn it all and play you for a fool, knowing that one day you'll decide enough is enough.

It hurts more when you are in the person's custody or the person is responsible for you, yet does you wrong. Pretends everything is well, but you later find out what he was saying and doing behind your back, repaying your good with evil, treating you like a slave that answers to his every whim, like your time isn't yours, you give and give till there is nothing left to give.

I had a discussion with my friend a while ago and we were talking about rapture, being left behind and all, and he was like, he believes he is living right n all, but what he feels would probably count against him are a couple of relatives he is not ready to forgive yet. Not that he can't or won't, but he is just not ready cos of d gravity of what they did.

My uncle and his wife have been married for sixteen years without a kid. Relatives have adviced him to make peace with his mother, that maybe by doing so, God will have mercy on him and give them kids. He said he would not forgive her, and that if she's the reason he doesn't have kids then the kids might as well stay put where they are, he is fine all alone with his wife.

Its not so easy to block out all the hurt, blatant lies and wickedness. And the fact that despite all of that, you're still expected to do the exact opposite of what the person did to you...that sucks.

When sometimes you have flashbacks of what the person did, remember that the person did exactly what they said they wouldn't do. And you are supposed to forgive, not just that, but repay evil with good.

Its so difficult.

Maybe it really takes a long time, but as people say, it will definitely happen eventually, if you are willing.

E.....is For.....Excuses

"The Pharmacist: Does he love you?
Bree Van de Kamp: Yes he does.
The Pharmacist: Is he a good person?
Bree Van de Kamp: Yes, he is
The Pharmacist: Then it's simple, really. If I could find a good person to love me, I'd be the luckiest person in the world"
- Desperate Housewives

I lie in bed tonight, fagged out and sleepy,writing this post that was due on Saturday.

I have valid reasons why I couldn't write it- I went to the movies on Saturday, got in real late,hung out with my friend, dint get in bed till about midnight, thought of writing it then but my battery was flat. And frankly there was nothing arresting going through my head for the letter 'E'..... These are all valid reasons,or better put, sorry excuses.

Thing is, if I really wanted to do it i coulda done it earlier in d day b4 d 6pm muvee instead of just farfing around...I'm sure if I was getting paid to do this I probably woulda put up a post unfailingly on Saturday. Soooo there! Excuses are usually reasons we give for not doing what we shoulda done, for knowingly making a choice and not being brave enuff to face the consequences

That said, going from the quote above,who is a good person? When I first read that quote, I laughed hard. This Pharmacist is acting lyk he just achieved world peace or something.
Like if a 'good' person loves you then you're sitting pretty? Yeah, right!

Those you think are 'good' usually disappoint you on a grand scale. So why not go with those that are supposedly 'bad'? At least the surprises you get along the way are minimal.

So this 'good person' he's referring to, what makes them so? Is there any such thing?

In my opinion, I think its highly overrated and subjective. You meet this governor's kid and she says stuff like 'Oh, my Dad is a good man' and you're like 'Dude, ur Dad looted public funds, left d state infrastructure worse than he met it and left high sch kids outta sch for a whole year because he refused to increase teachers salaries. But because he's so sweet to you and keeps depositing millions in your account, he's a good man? I think not

My friend dates a married man for 10years running, he eventually sends his wife and kids packing because of her and I say 'oh, I know she's a good girl'. Seriously???

Who then is a good person? Am I saying a good person doesn't fall or make mistakes? No I'm not.

I'l give an example. There's this man I feel is a 'good man'. He's one of my pastors. I feel he's a good man because he is a responsible man. Passionate about God, his country, his wife, his family. He stands out because he stands up for what he believes in.

He will turn down a president's invitation not minding whose ox is gored. He prays and intercedes on behalf of his country and state. He votes. He would come on the altar to speak out that the only places he is naked are in the bathroom and in the presence of his wife. He is a silver spoon kid, and expected to be "funky" but he doesn't mind if he is not popular or if nobody comes to his church. He will speak the truth about corruption, bribery, indecent dressing, adultery....

He and his wife would offer young girls accommodation because they do not want them to co-habit with the opposite sex. He is the first to admit even his littlest mistake on the altar. He organises relief for refugees, gives to charities.

This is a man that always surrounds himself with his protocol officers to deter temptation from the opposite sex. He could rationalise it that "Oh, after all, Jesus made himself accessible, otherwise the woman with the issue of blood won't have been able to touch his garment", but he knows better, that he should flee from even the "appearance" of evil, after all its better to be safe than sorry.

He knows better than to give flimsy excuses.

On the rare occasion he finds himself alone with some 'Jezebels' he begins to speak in tongues.

This is a handsome, wealthy,well-dressed man. Elocution and carriage on point,yet he's 'spoiling fine boy' by speaking in tongues in an elevator.

This is a guy that used to go about in the sun and rain, preaching in public buses. A supposedly 'tush boy', but he doesn't care, he stands for what he believes in.

Am I saying he has never fallen? Of course he has. While he was a teenager living abroad,he was a drug addict living life on the fast lane.

So y then do I still say he is a good man?

Because I believe that even if a good man falls, he is going to do anything never to be in that situation again. He can never give the impression that he is in support of those things. A good man stands out, because he isn't lukewarm or sitting on the fence. His principles and values are never in doubt. He is passionate about his community and country. He does not create even the impression of evil.

If you were to go to a pub in his community, and ask ten random people about him, they would have the same good things to say about him.

A good man is courageous and fights his fears. He doesn't back down from responsibility. He provides for and defends his wife and kids. Even his extended family, he sees as his responsibility.

He has people he is accountable to, he develops himself and is knowledgeable. A good man is not lazy or passive. He utilises his talents and strives to better himself daily.

His integrity is his most prized attribute.
His word is his bond. He doesn't say things idly.
He leaves a legacy and inheritance for his children. Even many years after his death, his name opens doors for his children, because people say 'Your father was a good man, he was on the bench for thirty-eight years, one of d few judges who was brave enough to take an oath in a court of law that he never received a bribe throughout his career'

So a good man, be it an atheist or a priest, is all about his choices. His principles or values. The legacy he lives behind. What impact he has made.

A good man is who he is and what he stands for even after you remove his religion.

His duty to God, country, family and self.

Its all about choices.

So it irritates me to no end when I hear people say 'Oh, he did so-and-so but I know he's a good man'.

Really??? He did d same thing repeatedly, shutting out his conscience and you call him a good man? How is he different from a robber? And what gives you the right to say the robber is a bad man and should be imprisoned?

Where do you draw the line? Y is it acceptable for you to be dishonest time after time, like someone without a conscience, but its not acceptable for the robber to steal from the rich? What makes you any better? You both made choices, you both seared your conscience, so y is one a good man, and the other bad? Or are there degrees of wrongdoings? One is more acceptable than the other?

Who died and made you judge and jury?

Aren't they both products of their choices?

Maybe there's no such thing as a good man or bad man then, and instead of making excuses for these people, just keep quiet.

So am I a good woman? Of course I'll say I am. Y so?

I am one because everyday I strive to be the woman the bible talks about in Proverbs 31.

Because I don't give stupid excuses. More often than not, my reason for whatever action or non-action is cos I chose not to. Because I raise the bar higher, because to a large extent,people can be asked about me and say, she does not believe in so-and-so.

Because I have mentors and people I hold in high regard,because I learn from the mistakes of others instead of making the mistakes for myself and regretting them. Because I listen to advice, because I pray for my country.

Because I am already preparing for my future even from now, by asking elders for advice, asking about regrets they have about their own lives so I'll have a mental compass to lead me through life's journey.

Because I started praying for my future husband six years ago, and I've already started praying for my unborn children.

Because I know that delayed gratification is more honorable than instant gratification. Because I know what it is to sacrifice and deprive myself for the greater good.

Because I won't condone in others what I won't do myself, Because m not wishy-washy, neida m I a people-pleaser. Because I strive each day to be a better version of myself.

And so, because I am doing all of this, I also believe I deserve a good man.

But I honestly dunno if there's such a thing.

Maybe he's just my own good man. and that again is another bs excuse, cos if I am investing so much i shouldn't short-change myself.

Cos that as they say, would be putting pearls before swine....

D....is For...Dad

Did I ever tell u about my family's 'almost' claim-to-fame? You see, we're prolly supposed to be really wealthy, by virtue of my Dad's extraordinary talent.

I really wish he had utilized it properly, especially tending towards the compensation aspect.

You see, my Dad can bear malice for Africa.

Maybe if there was an Olympics event.... or he could even have participated in a psych experiment or something.... Yeah, I no I'm reaching here, but seriously though..

To be honest, its hella tiring, and saddening. About 6 weeks ago,the tension at home was palpable and it went on for a whole month. I should be used to it seeing as he's kept malice with my Mum for a whole year in the past and she finally had to kneel to beg him on Xmas morning.

Nywho, one Saturday, i decided I'd had enough and took d opportunity of a long-winded convo he had with me about "why I had to use mushrooms in d sauce knowing fully well that mistakes happen and the mushrooms could be poisonous, etc." so at the end of that convo I decided to take the plunge

F: This malice-keeping thing is tiring and saddening.

D:What???

F: This malice-keeping is tiring and saddening. Its been going on for over a month now, even all the while I was ill and I'm sure its part of d reason I didn't get well on time.

D: Grab a chair

F: I don't know what's really wrong and I honestly don't care, I talked to Mum about it and I couldn't make head or tail of what she was saying. But I recall that its now become your M.O, there was even a whole year u didn't talk to her and its just.. sad

D:Yes, i admit that there were many tyms that happened, esp before we moved to this house, but it has gotten much better since we got here. She did something bad to me, so rather than get violent, i just don't say anything.

F:be that as it may,ur happiness is in ur hands. its just you both and the maid alone in this house, so u r happy coming home, not talking to anybody till you get to work the next day? how is that even helping your health? ud just age faster. there are many things in life that are out of our control, but the things that are in our hands, we should do our absolute best to make it work. that's why u see many poor, happy families, or families with disabilities, yet they are happy.

D:yes, but she did something really bad, thats y she dint even bother to tell you

F:alright, but r u sayn now that ud never talk to her as long as u live? u'd prolly talk 2 her at some point, even if its in 2 years. so, in 2yrs does d grievance somewhat lessen?isnt it stl d same offence? whether tomorrow or in 10 yrs? so y put a date 2 ur 'salvation"? besides, u no u shdnt bother dropping offering in church?

D:*silence*......all m sayn is some men hit their wives, i don't, i have nothing more to say to you...

by d next tym i went home, he'd started talkn 2 her, but tbh i rili dunno where i got the courage to say all of that to him, but i guess when a goat is pushed to the wall, it has no choice but to attack. i almost puked during that convo cos i ws lyk seriously? u deserve a medal cos u dont hit ur wife???? 4 real???

This is just to give you an insight into this man i call my father, the man that brought me to this world. you have no idea how many tyms my siblings and i have wished my parents got divorced years ago and my mum remarried a wonderful man.

I used to be a rich kid, not sooo rich but at least comfortable. so imagine my shock when a coupla years ago i realised that i was just average, that i couldnt just travel out at the drop of a hat, that every major expense now had to be carefully budgeted, that gone were the days when my parents would put my brother and i on a plane accompanied at the drop of a hat, that i had to go out by public transport for the 1st tym in my 3rd yr in Uni and not have a driver waiting for me? i had a discussion with my brother recently and his take was that my Dad prolly squandered d wealth, or dint hustle as he shd have, or missed out on opportunities due to pride. m not sayn money is the most important thing, but stl i used to be a bit resentful.

My frd says i've got daddy issues. maybe, maybe not. but growing up the way i did, i've got 2b xtra careful, not least because i cant suffer 2ce in life- suffer in my youth and suffer when m older, or because i need a guy that'l be the father i 'never' had, or because i cant let my mother suffer in vain, then now not make her proud with my own choice of partner.

There was a time he was abroad for 6 months. that was the happiest period in our house so far. nobody even missed him. we were happy, it was...easy.

Its difficult walking on eggshells all the time, even till now, when u dont no when or what is gonna trigger the next tantrum, when ur sis calls u in d middle of d nyt 2 tell u dat he's broken all d dishes in d house, expensive dishes dat my mum spent her hard-earned money on. and that he's cut himself in d process so there's blood allover the place, and that my mum has locked herself in her room all night. Or they call to tell me that my mum was locked outta d house. its understandable when he locks us out, but my mum too, for real??

its y i cant stand stingy guys, cos i dont wanna be lyk my mum, who's married but lives like a single woman. cant stand selfish guys, cant stand a guy that does not motivate me spiritually, i dont want to be unequally yoked like my Mum is.

its y i wld react so violently to someone that as much as slaps me, cos ve been down that road before, countless instances when i was belted to within an inch of my life, for flimsy reasons lyk "pretending to be asleep when he got back from work', but the real reason being to punish my mum wt the screams she'd hear in her room. screams that woke the neighbors from sleep... times when the good quality leather belt would split in two as i was being belted, and he'd send someone to fetch another belt so he'd continue. when i'd go to school with welts all over my arms, and have some nosy classmates ask me stupid questions.

its y i c any form of abuse as a personal affront. u dont need to hit someone to abuse them. at least when you hit someone the scars are visible right? what about emeotional abuse? when nobody can see the numerous cracks in ur heart held together by cellotape? where nobody can see that ur self esteem and confidence have been taken down a few pegs cos of som1's behaviour 2wards you. where u begin to second-guess yourself or your worth?

its y i used to say i wanted to get married to someone ten years older, cos he'd know better how he should be a lover,father n friend as well as a husband. cos he'd c me as his responsibility, wont be stingy or selfish, wont make our home a volatile territory lyk Iraq...

My Mum and my aunt make excuses for him, saying he's d way he is cos he's from a polygamous home with a lotta sibling rivalry and fetishists, or because his parents are from different tribes so he doesn't have any culture to speak of, hence bad manners, bad behaviour, etc.

My aunt recently told my sis that she would never talk to me again if i get married to someone with parents from different tribes. I was shocked. Its wrong for she and my mum to generalise cos of my Dad's actions. Its even wronger to make excuses for his behavior cos of his background.
We are who we are, not because of our circumstances, but in spite of them.

Even if he did not have the advantage of a happy home he should have made it his life's duty to have one. should have learnt from people, read books, he should have even imbibed culture and manners.

The bible says honor your father and your mother, so that your days may be long...

He also has his good sides, always ensuring we had enough fuel ion the midst of nationwide scarcity. always ensuring we were well protected, getting guns and dogs in case of any eventuality. i rem when we were much younger, and there were riots in town, my dad would have someone cover his shift, roads were blocked so he couldnt drive down, and he'd walk all the way to our school, put me on his shoulders and take my brother by the hand, and walk back to the office again. he ensured we got the best education, that we were exposed and cultured. vernacular wasnt allowed in our house while growing up, cos he wanted us to speak "Queen's English". my mum also told me about the time they were courting, and he heard on TV that salaries in the state my mum was at the time hadnt been paid. he filled his car with foodstuff and travelled all the way down to see her, gave her money and was upset that she hadnt told him she wasnt paid...of all the times that my sisters and i have asked her about their past together, thats the only instance she has been able to cite. it was a good deed, but 4real?? thats all you could rem dat he did for you after how many years of dating? she still mantains she has no regrets though.

but that's not the point, the point is he also has his good sides.

Now... he respects me and asks me to help him out with various things.

but still, the scars are real, the memories still haunt me. i still look at my Mum and wish i could get her out of there, wish i was capable of giving her the kinda life she deserves. still look at her sometimes and d sadness i feel is overwhelming.

its y i am so guarded and reserved, its y i cant, i wont, i mustn't make a mistake.

D... is for Dad, he brought me into this world and for that i'm grateful. he's my father and for that i must honor him regardless.

D...is for dread, that it won't be a vicious cycle, that i wont make the same mistake, that i will give my children a good father. its the least i can do...

C...is For...Cheating

Long post alert.....

This post was inspired by a convo I had with my friend recently. I included excerpts so you'd get the general gist.

Participants:
-------------
(*) fearless (*), Kwame

Messages:
(*) fearless (*): errors lyk cheating ryt? Som girls myt say its forgivable, but 2me its not an error, its a delibr8 actn
I'd only cheat if m bored, dnt luv my partner nymor, or if he's just not treatn me ryt or sth, so I dunno y anyone shd cheat
Kwame:
Cheating is not an error o. You are presented with two options but you choose to cheat
That's just silly
If you are bored, tell him to go
(*) fearless (*): my sentiments exactly
Kwame: I'd never cheat
NEVER
I see what it could do in the long run
(*) fearless (*): My sentiments exactly, cos it has disastrous consequences, and sets in motion ds vicious cycle of bad karma
No1 can catch me cheating n I'd say its an error, I'd probably tell u how I rationalised it, and d reasons I gave my conscience b4 going ahead wt it. I wont say twas a mistake
Kwame: Totally
There's no need. Treat your man/woman right and vice versa then there won't be cheating
(*) fearless (*): Hmmm
Kwame: Always remember though, once a cheat always a cheat
(*) fearless (*): Dats not entirely true
Kwame: Fact
(*) fearless (*): Cos der r ppl dat ve bn wt a guy or girl n they no this is the love of my life, d one for me, etc, yet dey cheat, and now regret it 4d rest of their life
Kwame: Reason would simply be that the person wasn't their loml
There was something missing
(*) fearless (*): And I also beg 2 differ. Once a cheat, not always a cheat. I ve cheated b4, but I know as sure as I know my name dat I'l never cheat again.
although tbh i couldn't say at that time that my partner was my loml, so of cos if my partner ws my loml at the tym, then the cheating wont have even occured.
i no i wont cheat on som1 i call my loml. not lyk there's any acceptable reason for cheating tho
Kwame: I hope so o
(*) fearless (*): So ur point in essence is... If som1 cheats on u, its cos ur not deir LOML? And in dat case, u shd run 4 dear life cos d person wl def do it again?
But if d person cheats on u and u no 4 sure dat u r LOMLs, and d person promises not 2do it again, u shd stl run 4 dear life, cos it is absolutely utterly imposble 2 cheat on ur LOML even if u dnt c each oda 4 5yrs?
and also cos cheats never repent ryt?
Kwame: Kinda
I'm not a believer in the whole loml concept
(*) fearless (*): Lol, cynic
Kwame: You meet people, everyone makes you happy in their own way. You like people for different reasons. What turns a person into a bf/gf/wife/husband? The decision you both make to be there for each other, work together, e.t.c. That decision could be made with any of those your friends who feel the same about you and obviously physical attraction helps
So after all that, why then cheat on the person after you both decide to go on this journey? greed, selfishness e.t.c.
If you decide to go on that journey you are deciding to throw away your bachelor card, replace that with a fuck-off sign on your forehead
So you do all that, call them LOML then cheat ????
(*) fearless (*): Doesn't make sense ryt?
So 4u, dats un4gvable?
Kwame: I'd forgive cos I understand the human perception
But ill never forget
It would have been forgivable if I wasn't the sort of guy who loves hard. I mean, you become the center of my world
(*) fearless (*): D human perception dat evr1 cheats? Or d human perception dat ders an exceptn 2 every rule, and d person cheated inadvertently, not intendn 2 hurt u in any way?
Kwame: Yup
The latter
(*) fearless (*): yeah...So dose r part of d things dt I just can't take.I honestly don't UNDERSTAND excuses. Deyr lyk gibberish
Kwame: Lol. Excuses
(*) fearless (*): Lol,4me what I dnt undastd I can't relate to. I ve 2 analyse n ...
Hmmmm
Well, 4me cheatn doesn't even ve 2 involve sex tbh
Kwame: Yup, cheating is all what builds up to sex
If the person isn't enough for you, then leave..
As compared to cheating and the guilt attached to it
(*) fearless (*): U tnk I dunno dat? all dese excuses we're bs na, u tnk I dunno b8r? Even if ur partner is crap in bed its not a gd enuff reason, u guys r sposd 2 learn 2geda nwaz

Is it cheating if you aren't married? The religious aspect aside,is cheating permissible? My frd Kwame prolly hasn't seen the inside of a church in 7 yrs, so his isn't even from a religious standpoint, his is a personal decision.

But maybe not everyone can make that decision, maybe for some they have to cheat, or be cheated on before they now decide its sth they'd never do.

So many scandals recently, from Tiger Woods, to Arnold Schwarzenegger, to IMF chief Dominique Strauss-Kahn. The IMF chief lost his powerful position as a result.

Do people never learn? Why is it that we never see the well till the water runs dry? For me, its not just the action, its the motive behind d action, and d fact that cheating is never a 'stand-alone' evil. It encompasses many others- deceitfulness,disrespect,greed,selfishness, indiscipline,stupidity, and most important of all,'not loving ur neighbor as yourself'.

Two instances I know of: this woman found out after her divorce that her ex-husband had been exchanging messages wt anoda chic, baring his soul, and even discussing their problems with said chic. This chic was a pen-pal, they ex-husband had never even seen... but when d woman found out about it, she cried long and hard, and was convinced that she'd made the right decision in getting the divorce. She was hurt cos instead of d guy 2 talk abt d problems with her, he was talking to som1 else, instead of him to work on their marriage by spending d tym calling her or even coming to see her at work, he was using the tym to get close to som1 else....

Another instance,this chic starts getn close 2ds guy at work, later finds out he's married but already likes him too much, they don't have sex, prolly just get to second_base or sth, nwaz she starts to feel guilty and sends him home to his wife,that they can't be close nymor. So,a coupla months down d line, his wife comes 2 bust her at work, of course 1st thing she tells d wife is 'oh, we dint have sex, it dint get too far, etc. But the wife now asked her if she luvd him, and she cldnt answer,cos she did luv him. So d wife told her that she already knew it before even asking, cos she'd seen the sadness in her eyes,and dats d same sadness she sees in her husband's eyes every night. She said she couldn't go on seeing that for the rest of her life. Sooo, to the whole world this married guy and ds chic dint rili cheat right, since they din't go the whole nine yards,but still, it led to the break-up of a marriage.

So cheating isn't just abt sex, its abt spending quality tym wt som1 else other than ur partner, esp without ur partner's knowledge, or b8r stl, just doin stuff u won't want ur partner to do.

That said, have I cheated? Yes, as have numerous others. Am I proud of it? No, because no matter what reasons I had, dey were flimsy excuses. If som1 isn't enuff 4u, den leave.

There's ds popular artiste, he has three babymamas, and allegedly some concubines as well. Nwaz, so I recently came across one of the babymamas. Apparently she rili luvs ds guy, says he's her hero, etc, even wears ' I luv my hubby' t-shirts. She doesn't hang out wt other guys, and she was even at the 1st bday party of one of the other babymamas kids.

M like serzly?? Thing is, dude is prolly not even gonna get married 2 any of them nwaz. So what's so special abt ds guy dt ur satisfied wt one-third of his affectn? And dats even an exaggeration cos dey r not d only 3 babes in his life.

U had d 1st child for him,let's say that was even a mistake, but u go ahead to have another child for him again?? I was so puzzled by this that I actually sat down and spent a day watching ds guy, wondering what they saw in him. Ve met him abt thrice and I frankly wasn't impressed. Maybe he sings 2 them tho,and he's real handsome to boot, but still...

But then again, maybe she has d right attitude, and everyone else is wrong. After all, there's luv in sharing right? So if u have that attitude towards ur partner as well, then nobody gets hurt.
After all, as long as the guy comes to see you once a week, tells you he loves you and sends money to your account then that should be enough right? Doesn't matter that he's having unprotected sex with other people or that...

I believe there are repercussions for our actions, so if you cheat, you will be cheated on. That said, what if someone cheats on u, and u take them back, does that mean you are the one that will cheat on your partner as his/her punishment?

Is it also true per Kwame's theory that if u cheat on someone d person is def not ur LOML (love of my life), that there's sth missing?

I'd appreciate your views on this please.

There are so many 'what-if's', but what I'm certain of is once I make that commitment, I would never cheat, be it a relationship or marriage. Its not for him, its for me. Even if the person pays me back with evil, I no I'm only paying my own good forward, I'd def get it back somehow.

And while I c some sense in the babymama that is happy sharing her guy with other chics, after all less worries for her, etc, I've got too much self-respect to do that, especially as I don't get my validation from others or their words.

So for me its one babe for one guy, at one time....

B.....is For...Birthday

I love birthdays. That one special day set aside just for me. A day I am compelled to be happy, dress up, etc

For me its not just the gifts, its the whole process, the surprise, the cake, dinner,the party for a few close friends, whatever trips, but it just has 2 be a fantastic day.

Its a day set aside to celebrate your existence. For me I always try to show my loved ones how much I care on that day. Even if I have to stay on d phone with them all day cos we r far apart.

Its a day to thank God most especially for the blessing of another year added, albeit undeservedly.

But...I digress.

This post is for my friend. Its her birthday in a few minutes. I'm happy and grateful to God on her behalf.

Its funny that we were in the same set in Uni for 4 years and we never even met. Finally met you after graduation in 2007 through our mutual friend, and its been one hell of a ride since then. I thank God for our mutual friend cos she led me to you.

You are sweet, kind, and have a generous spirit. Being with you is so easy.

Being with you is the beach, and award ceremonies,and the cinemas,and clubbing,and weddings, and church, and staying indoors all day.

Its being broke and having excess money, its discovering new boutiques and going to the extreme end of town on a Sunday just because there's a clothes sale.

Its following a celeb on twitter on your behalf,and finally connecting with him so I'd hook y'all up.

Its being there for each other through heartbreaks and ridiculous crushes and oh-so-seemingly-perfect love.

Its you telling me to shut up and stop crying cos u believe I deliberately chose to be sad. Thanks for the tough love, my caustic and acerbic friend.

Its your calling me the most inquisitive person in the world and your blatantly ignoring me when I ask too many questions.

Yeah, we have our fights but its always worth it in the end.

Thank you for the suya, and blue bunny ice cream, and food from Ikoyi Club...

Look forward to many more years with you my darling, with your future kids running 2 spend time at mine after you've finished them with your wicked witch and alatenumo ways...

I genuinely care for you from the bottom of my heart.

Love u baby, xoxo

A.... is for.....

Adam:
The first man on earth. Who..instead of him to teach his wife the difference between right and wrong,to be her pastor and teacher, allowed her to tempt him, to eat an apple he shouldn't have
Instead of taking the fall for her, said they should take the fall together
Who did not know his role as a man, that his rib is an extension of himself....

Anomaly:
Life itself is an anomaly, so bitter and sweet at d same time. Filled with highs and lows, ups and downs, life and death, tears and laughter. When u feel you've got it all together it segues and throws you off-balance
God... so 'seemingly wicked', yet infinitely kind. Love....love that shouldn't have anything to do with pain, yet ...

Albatross:
Those things that haunt u daily, that background that makes you feel everyone's out to get you, consequences of past actions that you just can't let go of yet inadvertently destroy your present ...

Art:
Music,oh how I love my music. Music heals, it inspires, it soothes, it makes me wanna climb on a table and forget everyone else, makes me ecstatically happy, smile for no reason at all, transports me to another world.
Paintings: Monet, Manet, Picasso,Degas. You see these works of art and you have no doubt in your mind that there is a God. Only God could have given these mere mortals such extraordinary talent.

Acceptance:
Realising that some things were never meant to be, sticking with the status quo....sometimes acceptance is just laziness in my opinion. You don't wanna fight or try, so you just give up. You accept that there is no cure for cancer, so you just let it ravage your body till your soul has no choice but to leave.
You accept that the sky is the limit so at the end of the day u don't even reach d roof...
Accepting: that everything happens for a reason..if so, how have u utilised that 'reason'?

Advil:
You could take five tablets and all the pain goes away, so you are just numb, nothing or nobody can hurt you anymore..you are immune to all the pain...but of course it comes with its side-effects, cos it makes you immune to the love and laughter as well

Alexander McQueen:
A fashion icon, gone too soon. I looove love the dresses. I've copied his designs for my native fabrics, but sadly, they don't even come close. Too bad that he had to go before I could even afford to have him make a gown for me.

Adele:
This 23-yr old chic blows my mind. From 'Someone Like You', to 'Rolling in the Deep'..her songs touch the innermost recesses of my soul..I have her playlist permanently on replay.

Antigua:
My dream vacation spot: the sand, the water, the weather, the beachwear I'd be oh so happy to wear....

Awakening:
When your morning comes, is when your life truly begins. That 'morning' is entirely up to you. The minute you decide to get the best out of life, and realise that you were called for a greater good, that you are responsible to and for others, that you have to take and claim, and not wait for anything to be handed to you, that being anything but the best and under-utilising your talents is the worst act of selfishness ever.

Answers:
The whys, wheres, whichs and if onlys. Answers we may never get till judgment day. Especially the 'Whys?' ...My own take on this: implicit trust and faith in God, for he is the sole repository of wisdom.

I'm still alive

Sooooo I haven't blogged in a hot minute.

I know,my readers (all 3 of them) expect d usual excuses, pressure at work, stress, etc. But tbh its none of d above.

I've been happy. Happiness... How is that an excuse? Oh, well I dunno really but I've been content.

Confused,dissatisfied,but happy all d same. So I haven't felt d need to blog.

Nywho,there's this challenge,you have to put up a post each day with a letter of d alphabet, alphabetically 4rm A-Z.

So I begin today...