Long post alert.....
This post was inspired by a convo I had with my friend recently. I included excerpts so you'd get the general gist.
Participants:
-------------
(*) fearless (*), Kwame
Messages:
(*) fearless (*): errors lyk cheating ryt? Som girls myt say its forgivable, but 2me its not an error, its a delibr8 actn
I'd only cheat if m bored, dnt luv my partner nymor, or if he's just not treatn me ryt or sth, so I dunno y anyone shd cheat
Kwame:
Cheating is not an error o. You are presented with two options but you choose to cheat
That's just silly
If you are bored, tell him to go
(*) fearless (*): my sentiments exactly
Kwame: I'd never cheat
NEVER
I see what it could do in the long run
(*) fearless (*): My sentiments exactly, cos it has disastrous consequences, and sets in motion ds vicious cycle of bad karma
No1 can catch me cheating n I'd say its an error, I'd probably tell u how I rationalised it, and d reasons I gave my conscience b4 going ahead wt it. I wont say twas a mistake
Kwame: Totally
There's no need. Treat your man/woman right and vice versa then there won't be cheating
(*) fearless (*): Hmmm
Kwame: Always remember though, once a cheat always a cheat
(*) fearless (*): Dats not entirely true
Kwame: Fact
(*) fearless (*): Cos der r ppl dat ve bn wt a guy or girl n they no this is the love of my life, d one for me, etc, yet dey cheat, and now regret it 4d rest of their life
Kwame: Reason would simply be that the person wasn't their loml
There was something missing
(*) fearless (*): And I also beg 2 differ. Once a cheat, not always a cheat. I ve cheated b4, but I know as sure as I know my name dat I'l never cheat again.
although tbh i couldn't say at that time that my partner was my loml, so of cos if my partner ws my loml at the tym, then the cheating wont have even occured.
i no i wont cheat on som1 i call my loml. not lyk there's any acceptable reason for cheating tho
Kwame: I hope so o
(*) fearless (*): So ur point in essence is... If som1 cheats on u, its cos ur not deir LOML? And in dat case, u shd run 4 dear life cos d person wl def do it again?
But if d person cheats on u and u no 4 sure dat u r LOMLs, and d person promises not 2do it again, u shd stl run 4 dear life, cos it is absolutely utterly imposble 2 cheat on ur LOML even if u dnt c each oda 4 5yrs?
and also cos cheats never repent ryt?
Kwame: Kinda
I'm not a believer in the whole loml concept
(*) fearless (*): Lol, cynic
Kwame: You meet people, everyone makes you happy in their own way. You like people for different reasons. What turns a person into a bf/gf/wife/husband? The decision you both make to be there for each other, work together, e.t.c. That decision could be made with any of those your friends who feel the same about you and obviously physical attraction helps
So after all that, why then cheat on the person after you both decide to go on this journey? greed, selfishness e.t.c.
If you decide to go on that journey you are deciding to throw away your bachelor card, replace that with a fuck-off sign on your forehead
So you do all that, call them LOML then cheat ????
(*) fearless (*): Doesn't make sense ryt?
So 4u, dats un4gvable?
Kwame: I'd forgive cos I understand the human perception
But ill never forget
It would have been forgivable if I wasn't the sort of guy who loves hard. I mean, you become the center of my world
(*) fearless (*): D human perception dat evr1 cheats? Or d human perception dat ders an exceptn 2 every rule, and d person cheated inadvertently, not intendn 2 hurt u in any way?
Kwame: Yup
The latter
(*) fearless (*): yeah...So dose r part of d things dt I just can't take.I honestly don't UNDERSTAND excuses. Deyr lyk gibberish
Kwame: Lol. Excuses
(*) fearless (*): Lol,4me what I dnt undastd I can't relate to. I ve 2 analyse n ...
Hmmmm
Well, 4me cheatn doesn't even ve 2 involve sex tbh
Kwame: Yup, cheating is all what builds up to sex
If the person isn't enough for you, then leave..
As compared to cheating and the guilt attached to it
(*) fearless (*): U tnk I dunno dat? all dese excuses we're bs na, u tnk I dunno b8r? Even if ur partner is crap in bed its not a gd enuff reason, u guys r sposd 2 learn 2geda nwaz
Is it cheating if you aren't married? The religious aspect aside,is cheating permissible? My frd Kwame prolly hasn't seen the inside of a church in 7 yrs, so his isn't even from a religious standpoint, his is a personal decision.
But maybe not everyone can make that decision, maybe for some they have to cheat, or be cheated on before they now decide its sth they'd never do.
So many scandals recently, from Tiger Woods, to Arnold Schwarzenegger, to IMF chief Dominique Strauss-Kahn. The IMF chief lost his powerful position as a result.
Do people never learn? Why is it that we never see the well till the water runs dry? For me, its not just the action, its the motive behind d action, and d fact that cheating is never a 'stand-alone' evil. It encompasses many others- deceitfulness,disrespect,greed,selfishness, indiscipline,stupidity, and most important of all,'not loving ur neighbor as yourself'.
Two instances I know of: this woman found out after her divorce that her ex-husband had been exchanging messages wt anoda chic, baring his soul, and even discussing their problems with said chic. This chic was a pen-pal, they ex-husband had never even seen... but when d woman found out about it, she cried long and hard, and was convinced that she'd made the right decision in getting the divorce. She was hurt cos instead of d guy 2 talk abt d problems with her, he was talking to som1 else, instead of him to work on their marriage by spending d tym calling her or even coming to see her at work, he was using the tym to get close to som1 else....
Another instance,this chic starts getn close 2ds guy at work, later finds out he's married but already likes him too much, they don't have sex, prolly just get to second_base or sth, nwaz she starts to feel guilty and sends him home to his wife,that they can't be close nymor. So,a coupla months down d line, his wife comes 2 bust her at work, of course 1st thing she tells d wife is 'oh, we dint have sex, it dint get too far, etc. But the wife now asked her if she luvd him, and she cldnt answer,cos she did luv him. So d wife told her that she already knew it before even asking, cos she'd seen the sadness in her eyes,and dats d same sadness she sees in her husband's eyes every night. She said she couldn't go on seeing that for the rest of her life. Sooo, to the whole world this married guy and ds chic dint rili cheat right, since they din't go the whole nine yards,but still, it led to the break-up of a marriage.
So cheating isn't just abt sex, its abt spending quality tym wt som1 else other than ur partner, esp without ur partner's knowledge, or b8r stl, just doin stuff u won't want ur partner to do.
That said, have I cheated? Yes, as have numerous others. Am I proud of it? No, because no matter what reasons I had, dey were flimsy excuses. If som1 isn't enuff 4u, den leave.
There's ds popular artiste, he has three babymamas, and allegedly some concubines as well. Nwaz, so I recently came across one of the babymamas. Apparently she rili luvs ds guy, says he's her hero, etc, even wears ' I luv my hubby' t-shirts. She doesn't hang out wt other guys, and she was even at the 1st bday party of one of the other babymamas kids.
M like serzly?? Thing is, dude is prolly not even gonna get married 2 any of them nwaz. So what's so special abt ds guy dt ur satisfied wt one-third of his affectn? And dats even an exaggeration cos dey r not d only 3 babes in his life.
U had d 1st child for him,let's say that was even a mistake, but u go ahead to have another child for him again?? I was so puzzled by this that I actually sat down and spent a day watching ds guy, wondering what they saw in him. Ve met him abt thrice and I frankly wasn't impressed. Maybe he sings 2 them tho,and he's real handsome to boot, but still...
But then again, maybe she has d right attitude, and everyone else is wrong. After all, there's luv in sharing right? So if u have that attitude towards ur partner as well, then nobody gets hurt.
After all, as long as the guy comes to see you once a week, tells you he loves you and sends money to your account then that should be enough right? Doesn't matter that he's having unprotected sex with other people or that...
I believe there are repercussions for our actions, so if you cheat, you will be cheated on. That said, what if someone cheats on u, and u take them back, does that mean you are the one that will cheat on your partner as his/her punishment?
Is it also true per Kwame's theory that if u cheat on someone d person is def not ur LOML (love of my life), that there's sth missing?
I'd appreciate your views on this please.
There are so many 'what-if's', but what I'm certain of is once I make that commitment, I would never cheat, be it a relationship or marriage. Its not for him, its for me. Even if the person pays me back with evil, I no I'm only paying my own good forward, I'd def get it back somehow.
And while I c some sense in the babymama that is happy sharing her guy with other chics, after all less worries for her, etc, I've got too much self-respect to do that, especially as I don't get my validation from others or their words.
So for me its one babe for one guy, at one time....
This post was inspired by a convo I had with my friend recently. I included excerpts so you'd get the general gist.
Participants:
-------------
(*) fearless (*), Kwame
Messages:
(*) fearless (*): errors lyk cheating ryt? Som girls myt say its forgivable, but 2me its not an error, its a delibr8 actn
I'd only cheat if m bored, dnt luv my partner nymor, or if he's just not treatn me ryt or sth, so I dunno y anyone shd cheat
Kwame:
Cheating is not an error o. You are presented with two options but you choose to cheat
That's just silly
If you are bored, tell him to go
(*) fearless (*): my sentiments exactly
Kwame: I'd never cheat
NEVER
I see what it could do in the long run
(*) fearless (*): My sentiments exactly, cos it has disastrous consequences, and sets in motion ds vicious cycle of bad karma
No1 can catch me cheating n I'd say its an error, I'd probably tell u how I rationalised it, and d reasons I gave my conscience b4 going ahead wt it. I wont say twas a mistake
Kwame: Totally
There's no need. Treat your man/woman right and vice versa then there won't be cheating
(*) fearless (*): Hmmm
Kwame: Always remember though, once a cheat always a cheat
(*) fearless (*): Dats not entirely true
Kwame: Fact
(*) fearless (*): Cos der r ppl dat ve bn wt a guy or girl n they no this is the love of my life, d one for me, etc, yet dey cheat, and now regret it 4d rest of their life
Kwame: Reason would simply be that the person wasn't their loml
There was something missing
(*) fearless (*): And I also beg 2 differ. Once a cheat, not always a cheat. I ve cheated b4, but I know as sure as I know my name dat I'l never cheat again.
although tbh i couldn't say at that time that my partner was my loml, so of cos if my partner ws my loml at the tym, then the cheating wont have even occured.
i no i wont cheat on som1 i call my loml. not lyk there's any acceptable reason for cheating tho
Kwame: I hope so o
(*) fearless (*): So ur point in essence is... If som1 cheats on u, its cos ur not deir LOML? And in dat case, u shd run 4 dear life cos d person wl def do it again?
But if d person cheats on u and u no 4 sure dat u r LOMLs, and d person promises not 2do it again, u shd stl run 4 dear life, cos it is absolutely utterly imposble 2 cheat on ur LOML even if u dnt c each oda 4 5yrs?
and also cos cheats never repent ryt?
Kwame: Kinda
I'm not a believer in the whole loml concept
(*) fearless (*): Lol, cynic
Kwame: You meet people, everyone makes you happy in their own way. You like people for different reasons. What turns a person into a bf/gf/wife/husband? The decision you both make to be there for each other, work together, e.t.c. That decision could be made with any of those your friends who feel the same about you and obviously physical attraction helps
So after all that, why then cheat on the person after you both decide to go on this journey? greed, selfishness e.t.c.
If you decide to go on that journey you are deciding to throw away your bachelor card, replace that with a fuck-off sign on your forehead
So you do all that, call them LOML then cheat ????
(*) fearless (*): Doesn't make sense ryt?
So 4u, dats un4gvable?
Kwame: I'd forgive cos I understand the human perception
But ill never forget
It would have been forgivable if I wasn't the sort of guy who loves hard. I mean, you become the center of my world
(*) fearless (*): D human perception dat evr1 cheats? Or d human perception dat ders an exceptn 2 every rule, and d person cheated inadvertently, not intendn 2 hurt u in any way?
Kwame: Yup
The latter
(*) fearless (*): yeah...So dose r part of d things dt I just can't take.I honestly don't UNDERSTAND excuses. Deyr lyk gibberish
Kwame: Lol. Excuses
(*) fearless (*): Lol,4me what I dnt undastd I can't relate to. I ve 2 analyse n ...
Hmmmm
Well, 4me cheatn doesn't even ve 2 involve sex tbh
Kwame: Yup, cheating is all what builds up to sex
If the person isn't enough for you, then leave..
As compared to cheating and the guilt attached to it
(*) fearless (*): U tnk I dunno dat? all dese excuses we're bs na, u tnk I dunno b8r? Even if ur partner is crap in bed its not a gd enuff reason, u guys r sposd 2 learn 2geda nwaz
Is it cheating if you aren't married? The religious aspect aside,is cheating permissible? My frd Kwame prolly hasn't seen the inside of a church in 7 yrs, so his isn't even from a religious standpoint, his is a personal decision.
But maybe not everyone can make that decision, maybe for some they have to cheat, or be cheated on before they now decide its sth they'd never do.
So many scandals recently, from Tiger Woods, to Arnold Schwarzenegger, to IMF chief Dominique Strauss-Kahn. The IMF chief lost his powerful position as a result.
Do people never learn? Why is it that we never see the well till the water runs dry? For me, its not just the action, its the motive behind d action, and d fact that cheating is never a 'stand-alone' evil. It encompasses many others- deceitfulness,disrespect,greed,selfishness, indiscipline,stupidity, and most important of all,'not loving ur neighbor as yourself'.
Two instances I know of: this woman found out after her divorce that her ex-husband had been exchanging messages wt anoda chic, baring his soul, and even discussing their problems with said chic. This chic was a pen-pal, they ex-husband had never even seen... but when d woman found out about it, she cried long and hard, and was convinced that she'd made the right decision in getting the divorce. She was hurt cos instead of d guy 2 talk abt d problems with her, he was talking to som1 else, instead of him to work on their marriage by spending d tym calling her or even coming to see her at work, he was using the tym to get close to som1 else....
Another instance,this chic starts getn close 2ds guy at work, later finds out he's married but already likes him too much, they don't have sex, prolly just get to second_base or sth, nwaz she starts to feel guilty and sends him home to his wife,that they can't be close nymor. So,a coupla months down d line, his wife comes 2 bust her at work, of course 1st thing she tells d wife is 'oh, we dint have sex, it dint get too far, etc. But the wife now asked her if she luvd him, and she cldnt answer,cos she did luv him. So d wife told her that she already knew it before even asking, cos she'd seen the sadness in her eyes,and dats d same sadness she sees in her husband's eyes every night. She said she couldn't go on seeing that for the rest of her life. Sooo, to the whole world this married guy and ds chic dint rili cheat right, since they din't go the whole nine yards,but still, it led to the break-up of a marriage.
So cheating isn't just abt sex, its abt spending quality tym wt som1 else other than ur partner, esp without ur partner's knowledge, or b8r stl, just doin stuff u won't want ur partner to do.
That said, have I cheated? Yes, as have numerous others. Am I proud of it? No, because no matter what reasons I had, dey were flimsy excuses. If som1 isn't enuff 4u, den leave.
There's ds popular artiste, he has three babymamas, and allegedly some concubines as well. Nwaz, so I recently came across one of the babymamas. Apparently she rili luvs ds guy, says he's her hero, etc, even wears ' I luv my hubby' t-shirts. She doesn't hang out wt other guys, and she was even at the 1st bday party of one of the other babymamas kids.
M like serzly?? Thing is, dude is prolly not even gonna get married 2 any of them nwaz. So what's so special abt ds guy dt ur satisfied wt one-third of his affectn? And dats even an exaggeration cos dey r not d only 3 babes in his life.
U had d 1st child for him,let's say that was even a mistake, but u go ahead to have another child for him again?? I was so puzzled by this that I actually sat down and spent a day watching ds guy, wondering what they saw in him. Ve met him abt thrice and I frankly wasn't impressed. Maybe he sings 2 them tho,and he's real handsome to boot, but still...
But then again, maybe she has d right attitude, and everyone else is wrong. After all, there's luv in sharing right? So if u have that attitude towards ur partner as well, then nobody gets hurt.
After all, as long as the guy comes to see you once a week, tells you he loves you and sends money to your account then that should be enough right? Doesn't matter that he's having unprotected sex with other people or that...
I believe there are repercussions for our actions, so if you cheat, you will be cheated on. That said, what if someone cheats on u, and u take them back, does that mean you are the one that will cheat on your partner as his/her punishment?
Is it also true per Kwame's theory that if u cheat on someone d person is def not ur LOML (love of my life), that there's sth missing?
I'd appreciate your views on this please.
There are so many 'what-if's', but what I'm certain of is once I make that commitment, I would never cheat, be it a relationship or marriage. Its not for him, its for me. Even if the person pays me back with evil, I no I'm only paying my own good forward, I'd def get it back somehow.
And while I c some sense in the babymama that is happy sharing her guy with other chics, after all less worries for her, etc, I've got too much self-respect to do that, especially as I don't get my validation from others or their words.
So for me its one babe for one guy, at one time....
I do not believe in cheating but I like to put in my 2 kobos on issues of cheating. I may be wrong but I believe more than 60% of the time, men's tendencies to cheat is largely based on the woman.
ReplyDeleteThe woman is the man's marionette.
Fine, men are visually oriented and have that as a first weakness. But then, if you have a 'wife' that LISTENS to you and gives you all the 'benefits' in ways others can't, then any other reason a man cheats is because of his pervasion.
Many times women think when they are bought over, all is done. They forget to keep up with the game.
I do not subscribe to cheating but I see these things happen.
An unresolved argument, tension in the relationship etc lead to 'unplanned' circumstances.
Good point Seye, but what's d xplan8n in an instance where the babe is on top of her game, clothes, make up n assets on point,encourages the man, and constantly reassures him of her luv? when she gives him her body unreservedly and constantly assures him she's on his side despite d fact that he's not even caring for her as he should?
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