I cheated..

Not just in the wanton way I allowed my body be ravaged by someone..less deserving,or how I that was greatly loved gave my time and resources and body to another..till it ended in disgrace and disaster

I cheated when I knew that the French toast I was served for breakfast, or the bottle of groundnut in the kitchen will leave my relatively smooth face a 'pimples paradise'...but I kept indulging, telling myself "It may not happen this time, surely I should have outgrown acne, and must everyone be a supermodel?" So I destroy the years of effort and hundreds of pounds invested in the face, because I couldn't just resist..butter..

I cheated when my 16 year old daughter asked me if I was a bad girl, because I'd told her that good girls do not allow guys touch them till they are married, but how do I explain that? since I was pregnant with her before I got married..

I cheated when I knew I was an A student but I remained coasting between Bs and Cs because I was the poster girl for crash programmes, after all deadlines don't apply to awesome people like me..

I cheated when I knew the ways to please my Lover, those things that I'd do that would make me have the best life here on earth, but I always took Him for granted, telling myself "He understands, I will do it later, He loves me unconditionally" Shoulda, coulda, woulda..and I kept short-changing myself

I cheated because I kept waiting for my life to begin, waiting for a push, as if I did not already have all I needed..I kept waiting..as if life did not have billions of other people to deal with..I kept waiting for her alert telling me "You can press the PLAY button now"..but I kept waiting for perfect conditions,waiting till I was 100%certain I would succeed..how foolish..

I cheated when I could have been kinder to my loved ones, been more selfless..but I wasn't, I let foolish pride get in the way, then I cried the loudest at her funeral, and everyone thinks its because I loved her the most, but its not just that, I cried loudest because I don't know if I would ever get over the guilt..of knowing I held a grudge till she died because she bought stuff for others but didn't buy anything for me..

I cheated when I had the opportunities to learn French and Spanish, but I kept postponing, till I got passed over for that job at the UN..I cheated when fear did not allow me learn how to drive, and I always had to be at other people's mercy whenever I couldn't get a cab..I cheated because I'd always loved to write, but I felt I was rubbish at it, so I never did,I kept letting my ideas die a natural death..I cheated because I kinda have an idea of the things I'm good at, things I have a natural flair for. But I'm scared..always scared

I cheated myself..of the best life ever..or at least the opportunities I could have taken to have the best life.. everytime I could have, but I did not..I cheated.