A blessing, and a curse.....

I need to dumb down... Very sad, but its something I have to do to maintain my sanity

I have a very curious mind, and I kinda have the gift of discernment. I have been called various names over the years.. Inspector Gadget, Kay Scarpetta ( after one my fave heroines from the Patricia Cornwell series), lol

I've come to realise that it's both a blessing and a curse.

It's helped me in so many diverse ways, prevented a lotta mistakes.. but at the same time, caused so much sadness....maybe if i wasn't emotional as well, it really wouldn't matter, but the combination is not a good mix at all.

I won't let people's actions bother me anymore, I can only change myself.

Case in point, you are randomly gisting me about what a horrible day you had, how stressful work was, how when you got back home, there was no power and the generator was faulty, etc, and you later had to microwave some leftover rice for dinner, etc.. I empathize with you and we say our goodbyes.

Five seconds later I call back and ask you how you powered the microwave without electricity. Its just who I am...... I ALWAYS want to know:..my mind does not rest till it understands exactly how the equation was solved

Why did the chicken cross the road...Why is x+y =z...

But now, ....I'm past caring, I just block everything from my mind. I don't care if you went somewhere else to heat the food and it just slipped out mistakenly, or maybe there is even an innocent explanation. I really don't care. I just block it from my mind, nobody can gimme hypertension.

My girlfriend says I am the most inquisitive chic she has ever met. I usually know when someone lies to me or omits the truth, and I'd call the person out on it, or maybe if i hear something, I'll let you know what I heard and confront you, but now, even if u tell me fifteen lies per hour or I hear stuff about you, I'd never let on that I know. Its better that way.

Besides, the truth inadvertently comes out sooner or later.. Its such a small, small world. Its also interesting when you hear someone spinning lies, especially when u know the truth

If I find out someone close to me did something, like got pregnant, or maybe was even caught shoplifting, I start crying. probably because the person didn't trust me enough to tell me, or that the person had been giving me a false impression of herself all the while or that I really don't know the person... but really, why should I care? ..and why should I even care if someone makes a fool of me? I'd still keep doing good, because I know I am only paying it forward, I shouldn't treat someone bad because of that.

My friend says I am the kinda chic that when a guy tells me he loves me, I take it as the gospel. As if people don't lie, or feelings and circumstances don't change....

I take words to heart, the spoken word, especially the written word. I have always been tripped by cards, poems, text messages, etc, but now its not enough, you also have to prove yourself. Don't give me a card telling me I am the sister you never had, but when i need a shoulder to cry on, you are nowhere to be found. Say or write the words, that's fine, but also show you mean them.

Well, maybe that's just me, I don't say things just for saying sake, I actually mean what i say, so it trips me that everyone is not like me.

Now I realize that i should take everything with a pinch of salt, everyone is guilty until proven innocent.

You have to mean what you say....


Apparently I have a God-complex. Who woulda thought?....lazy, disorganized, indecisive me...

I always want to control everything, every situation, I panic when there is a paradigm shift. I want to be there for everyone, be the confidant, problem-solver, be number one in your life, want you to trust me...

I over-think, over-analyse, I always want to know the end from the beginning.

To say my brain works overtime is a gross understatement...

I really need to dumb down,... not always want to know,... not always prove I am right... not take people's actions to heart,.... not mind being taken for a fool...

Its soooo tiring being a smart ass all the time.

I thank God for my keen mind, and I hope  I utilize it to its full potential soon.

I also know for sure that the right guy for me will appreciate this gift, and not think i'm some paranoid freak, but rather help me hone the gift.

But for now, I'd just play dumb for a while, know stuff but not let on that I know, block unpleasant thoughts from my mind... and try to enjoy it thoroughly...

Some may call it denial... I call it survival