Obviously...
Its probably the fear...u know when u want something so bad that u don't even wanna attempt it...
I've forgotten how to write...that's if I ever knew how to
Maybe it's because the things I'm really supposed to write about are so painful,that if I put them down on paper they'll become so real to me, and if I read about them later I might actually go mad..
Maybe that's it...
I really thought I was gonna see d A-Z challenge to d end, not even miss a day, but yet again I've gone and fallen short of even my low expectations.
I've had the G-post in my head for a couple of weeks now, even the J post and the T post...but.... *sigh*
In my head I'm fearless the writer, fashion stylist, make-up artist, critic, blogger-extraordinaire, fashionista and all-round IT girl.
In real-life I'm fearful the wallpaper and 9-5 worker,nothing else.
I go to the office, come home, lie in bed in the dark and just go through the motions, make the effort. I'm really not interested in anything anymore. Jonah's got nothing on me nowadays.
A million places I could be, a million people I could be with, but, errr, I'll pass. I just love myself and my own company, exactly as I am right now. And oddly enough, I'm happy, happy as I am right now, and that's what's really worrisome.
Restless and discontent, but happy all d same.
There's just something missing, I can't seem to place my finger on it.
Writing used to be my drug, but its like I need a new high, I'm so restless, I bore easily, blanking people out, not really getting involved.....
I'm still a voracious reader though, I probably read at least a small novel worth of stuff a day, thank God that part's not changed.
I think because my year started out really terribly and I'm still yet 2 get back 2 normal.
I'm still in shock and second-guessing myself in my subconscious.
Maybe writing about it will help, then again, maybe it won't, but I don't even know how to begin anyway.
Its almost like I don't have anything to look forward to, I'm just existing....just there...
I need to start writing again...
First of all, reading your blog always always wows me because in my say 9-10 years, I never knew you wrote this well.
ReplyDeleteNext, why the heck did you stop writing. What you should know is writing is therapeutic. And you need some of it. The singular fact that you are anonymous(at least to a large degree) is good enough to express yourself however you like.
About the A-Zs, I was also looking forward to it. And still am. I still await the 'S'. S stands for Sinners and Saints. It stands for Seye too- a man who has tasted the both.
Keep writing. You don't have to be on a roll to write. Just start from the first sentence.
YOu know you are right about how when you write those fears become real to you. Yes! But by then you can assess them and then you find out that they may not be as scary as you thought.
And if you read them later, YOU WILL BE THANKFUL THAT YOU WROTE THEM. Because honestly Sweetie, these moments are the least moments. You are gonna read them and wonder how you got to the new position you are.
From time to time I see this whole mess in my life but then looking back(especially at documented facts), I always thank God.
I can't say more. Seye said it all and well. Always thank God for the joy in you. :) Keep the faith
ReplyDeletethanks tetekai
ReplyDeleteseye...thanks, as always... for everything.
u prolly always knew that i was gonna b a fantastic writer, thats y u gave urself the 10 year headstart, lol