F.....is For.....Forgiveness

To err is human, to forgive is divine.....

Maybe I am not one of the divine people, because forgiveness is difficult. Writing about it is difficult as well. I've been staring at the blank page for the past three hours.

We have to forgive for God to forgive us, as a matter of fact, we forgive people for our own good, after all, vengeance is the Lord's. ....

If only it were so easy. Even after praying to God for strength, you realise that you haven't forgiven totally. You still see the person sometimes and have flashes of rage, hatred. And you always remember, even months or years after, you realise new ways in which the person offended you, you put new pieces of the puzzle together.

Even after you feel you've forgiven, after all, you wish the person well, even put the person in prayers, its still difficult. If only forgiving and forgetting went hand-in-hand, it would have been so perfect. But maybe God has a reason for not allowing us forget. So that we would never give the person such space in our lives anymore, or so we'll always be on our guard, and trust no one else but God, or maybe that would be the driving force we need to succeed in life, just to prove to the person that you are not as worthless as they said, or maybe so we'll cut the person off totally before the person finally kills us. Who knows?...

It hurts more when the person knows you, knows your characteristics and still decides to take the risk and offend you. Knowing that you give a very long rope, that you keep doing good to repay the person's evil, that you keep warning and yet the person still decides to damn it all and play you for a fool, knowing that one day you'll decide enough is enough.

It hurts more when you are in the person's custody or the person is responsible for you, yet does you wrong. Pretends everything is well, but you later find out what he was saying and doing behind your back, repaying your good with evil, treating you like a slave that answers to his every whim, like your time isn't yours, you give and give till there is nothing left to give.

I had a discussion with my friend a while ago and we were talking about rapture, being left behind and all, and he was like, he believes he is living right n all, but what he feels would probably count against him are a couple of relatives he is not ready to forgive yet. Not that he can't or won't, but he is just not ready cos of d gravity of what they did.

My uncle and his wife have been married for sixteen years without a kid. Relatives have adviced him to make peace with his mother, that maybe by doing so, God will have mercy on him and give them kids. He said he would not forgive her, and that if she's the reason he doesn't have kids then the kids might as well stay put where they are, he is fine all alone with his wife.

Its not so easy to block out all the hurt, blatant lies and wickedness. And the fact that despite all of that, you're still expected to do the exact opposite of what the person did to you...that sucks.

When sometimes you have flashbacks of what the person did, remember that the person did exactly what they said they wouldn't do. And you are supposed to forgive, not just that, but repay evil with good.

Its so difficult.

Maybe it really takes a long time, but as people say, it will definitely happen eventually, if you are willing.