Letter to my future self

Dear Me,

As you read this letter you're in a happy place. No, you did not die, you're not in heaven, lol. You found happiness here on earth . It was in your hands all along you see. By now you should be doing that thing that we think is God's purpose for your life. Are you doing it full-time now or still part-time? Or are you still your indecisive self, wondering and wondering if it would work?

Are you still looking at yourself in the mirror and seeing Fiona from Shrek? Still letting that self-doubt creep up once in a while just because you are fat big-boned and someone cheated on you with slim babes? Remember how you went on the maple syrup diet and dint eat for days, thank God by the time your body started smelling of pepper and dead fish you came to your senses. I keep telling you, this is not important. Move on already !!! I don't know if you are now a Size 10, or you only lost the few kg you needed to fit into your old clothes, but either way, you re gorgeous. It would suprise you to know you are even a roll role model to many. The important thing is that you're fit and healthy , and most importantly that you look drop dead gorgeous in your top-of the-range outfits.

Are you dressing the way you've actualy wanted to? Utilising your fab fashion sense? Or are you still just wearing retail stuff because money no dey you want to  use the money for other things? Please babe, dress well, show what you're made of, dress in the taste you are already used to, no cutting corners anymore.

Do you write everyday now? Or you still think your writing sucks? even though Seye tells you you're a good writer and he is an expert on these things. Keep writing, we are in the business of helping people you see, so even if its just one person that your life experiences help, then baby you've done well. Besides, writing makes you happy. Did you ever apply to O magazine by the way? Or even the ones that you've had your eye on back home? Or as usual you chickened out?

Are you now a woman after God's heart? Do you practice all we've been reading for the past few years? Are you the virtuous woman the bible speaks about  in Proverbs 31? Does your husband sing your praises?  Does he hurry home each day, are his relatives glad to be associated with you? Oh yeah, forgot to mention you got married, you din't wanna do that actually, and I'll admit the guy had to bribe you/ sign some contracts and virtually had to drag you down the aisle, but you are happilly married. What people said you were wrong to ever expect is actually a reality. You have no regrets with him you see, and you never will. Isnt that what you had been asking God for all along? If only you had known, you would have trusted God sooner. He gave you an imperfect person perfect for you. No tears, peace of mind, no infidelity, you lack nothing and you are all in perfect health. Your Sherlock Holmes ways amuse him and he's even your partner in crime at times when you're trying to figure stuff out. You see, he's got nothing to hide so he doesn't feel threatened by you and he's even helping you put your talents to good use..............

So you see, there was no need to dumb down, or lose your weirdness and genius-level IQ keen mind. I'm sure you even do some PI work on the side now, lol. Oh, did you finally get a career that involves the stuff that makes you happy? i.e shoes, clothes, and books? Ohhhh, the smell of a new book...*sigh*. Are you jet-setting, shopping for the wives of the high and mighty like you've always wanted?  Did you change your family's story like your heart has desired? Are you helping people, changing lives? Is your life a testimony for Christ? Are you leaving behind a great legacy and are your children taught of the Lord? Are they living life to the fullest instead of having a late start like you did because you didn't find Christ till you were in your twenties?

Did you sort out that issue? The one you know you know the solution to deep in your heart but you just still keep wasting years of your life and blame it on confusion? I am sure you did the right thing and we are over that phase for good now.

Are you living your best life? Are you ???!!! Don't you see it? Today is the tomorrow we spoke about yesterday. So are you living or just existing? People are wicked, they always will be, but its only your own soul that is in your hands. Do you still expect so much from people and depend on them? You mastered the art of being alone for about a year so what is your problem? People will do as they want, but we will be good to them anyways, life is too short. Remember you shouldnt have given them so much power in the first place. Reclaim your life right now. 

It hurts me how you still get disappointed. People are rarely concerned about others' issues. As long as it doesn't affect them directly, they would just shrug it off and carry on with their lives. but when it gets to their own issues, watch them spring into action with an agility you never knew they possessed. And those same excuses they gave you when it was your turn or maybe didn't even bother giving you, they just ignored your issues as usual wont matter to them anymore. People always do what they really want to do. No excuses. That's why it hurts me that because you take on people's issues you expect the same from them and keep getting disappointed each day. People will tell you they would do one simple thing, and you will be waiting and waiting, expecting it even days after, when you knew as soon as they said it that they didn't mean it. They showed you their true colours the first time but you refused to believe them. Mschewww. All hope is not lost though, at least they could be the politicians of tomorrow.

You know so many things, are you practising them? How can you preach what you are not putting into practice yourself? These are all truths I could swear by. I really wish you have been adopting them for the past couple of years.

Yes you we're hurt , you we're betrayed . But didnt I promise you it'll pass? It has. You are fine now. No more panic attacks or waking up from nightmares. It was partly your fault though. Why put so much trust in a mere mortal? Maybe it affected you so severely because you have a god complex grew up believing you're a goddess and things like that happen to others and not you. Well, you're still a goddess, its not your place to make someone realise that, neither is it your fault that they took you for granted.

As you have come to realise the hard way, you can beg, cry, be the best person and be there for them but they will still do what is in their mind to do and all your pleas will fall on deaf ears. So don't beat yourself up too much about it Ok? Hope you learnt from it though? Was all the anguish worthwile in the end? Isn't it C.S Lewis that said its when we are in pain that God is shouting to us with a megaphone. So what did you learn from it? Did you turn the mess to a message? I trust u have made me proud because Adele turned her own betrayal into Grammys and millions of pounds, so we must not carry last.

You peed on yourself again today. But I know that by the time you are reading this you have already received healing. You have faith in God like never before and you have a whole new bladder. You now have 20/20 vision as well. Oh and all that time you wasted being heartbroken when you were supposed to learn French and take makeup classes, I hope you have made up for that time now?

Do your siblings still chance you take advantage of you? Sadly, I don't think that's gonna change though. What can you do about that? Are you still a great friend? A sister to those wonderful girls that have made you and their family theirs? Even if you haven't made any new friends in all this time, trust me, you are covered on that front.

You know who you are. You are all that and a bag of chips!!! Stop second-guessing yourself, dont dumb down. Keep being good, don't let those experiences turn you wild or lead you into temptation. Keep repaying evil with good always. It pays off. Give, you will always have in abundance. Love, just be more discerning. 

Oh, and I love you. Despite the strict tone, I really do. Its just your silliness that irritates me.Live your best life now. This is your moment. Celebrate everything. Nothing is promised. Pray hard, work hard, as if you've never prayed.

At the beginning of this letter when I said you were happy. Did that freak you out? Surely you remember that we discovered the secret a while ago in Ecclesiastes 12:13?

"All has been heard; the end of the matter is: Fear God [revere and worship Him, knowing that He is] and keep His commandments, for this is the whole of man [the full, original purpose of his creation, the object of God’s providence, the root of character, the foundation of all happiness, the adjustment to all inharmonious circumstances and conditions under the sun] and the whole [duty] for every man. "

ENOUGH SAID 

So you think you can?

“Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on; you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make any sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of - throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were being made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself.” 
― C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

I cannot overemphasise how much God has done in my life. I am absolutely nothing without him. No one without him. If situations were different, if I wasn't born Christian, If I did not give my life to Christ I don't know where I'l be. In fact it is terrifying....

You know how you think everything is good and rosy in that aspect of your life.... and down the line, God tells you "Think again".  So you lose the 'mansion', keep searching for a replacement... and finally get a 'hut'. Of course you don't know at the time that you are swapping a mansion for a hut, but in retrospect you start to see things differently with revelation from God.

You had to lose that mansion because when you had the mansion you felt you didn't need God, you dint need to talk to him, everything was wonderful, you were well-provided for, you weren't in tears each day , you felt good about yourself, had peace of mind and were so secure.  you could hold your head up high and were so sure of where you stood.

Then you swapped the mansion for the hut.... Why did God allow you make such a seemingly stupid decision?  Maybe its because now that you are in the hut you are in lack and barely know how you will get bread for tomorrow, so you look to the Bread of Life each day. In the hut there is nobody to talk to. You are hiding your tears and the hurts deep in your soul because there's nobody you are free to tell the way you are actually feeling it, to tell why you are acting the way you are, to tell your fears and shame..., but you now remember that wonderful friend, the one that gave his life for you and you start talking to him, telling him why this seemingly innocent incident affected you this way, why sometimes it seems like you go into a trance because you are trying to block some stuff from your memory. You can talk to him without having to hide your tears, without 'faking' laughter or excitement. You  find yourself talking out loud till people think you are running mad...

In the hut u realise all the issues of your childhood that you had buried deep inside now need to be faced and addressed because you have seen how they have come to magnify the betrayals in your life.... In the hut you don't have peace of mind, so your bible becomes part of your body, and you now make it a point of duty to ignore people's actions. You begin to recite scripture like its going out of fashion, remembering that "He will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is stayed upon him"....

He allowed you exchange that mansion for that hut.... you may regret it from time to time, thinking maybe you should have stayed in the mansion.....but God needs to break you, so until you devote your life to serving him, he will mould you, remove the walls and replace the roof, clog the drains and add windows, until you realise that he is the one that brought you to this world and you are here to do his will always, to serve him and obey his commandments. Then, and only then, when you have learned what you need to know, what you should have known all along, maybe he will give you an even better mansion for the one you threw away in the past, or turn that hut into a mansion for you......After all, he is the God of ALL flesh, is there ANYTHING too hard for him?