Letter to my future self

Dear Me,

As you read this letter you're in a happy place. No, you did not die, you're not in heaven, lol. You found happiness here on earth . It was in your hands all along you see. By now you should be doing that thing that we think is God's purpose for your life. Are you doing it full-time now or still part-time? Or are you still your indecisive self, wondering and wondering if it would work?

Are you still looking at yourself in the mirror and seeing Fiona from Shrek? Still letting that self-doubt creep up once in a while just because you are fat big-boned and someone cheated on you with slim babes? Remember how you went on the maple syrup diet and dint eat for days, thank God by the time your body started smelling of pepper and dead fish you came to your senses. I keep telling you, this is not important. Move on already !!! I don't know if you are now a Size 10, or you only lost the few kg you needed to fit into your old clothes, but either way, you re gorgeous. It would suprise you to know you are even a roll role model to many. The important thing is that you're fit and healthy , and most importantly that you look drop dead gorgeous in your top-of the-range outfits.

Are you dressing the way you've actualy wanted to? Utilising your fab fashion sense? Or are you still just wearing retail stuff because money no dey you want to  use the money for other things? Please babe, dress well, show what you're made of, dress in the taste you are already used to, no cutting corners anymore.

Do you write everyday now? Or you still think your writing sucks? even though Seye tells you you're a good writer and he is an expert on these things. Keep writing, we are in the business of helping people you see, so even if its just one person that your life experiences help, then baby you've done well. Besides, writing makes you happy. Did you ever apply to O magazine by the way? Or even the ones that you've had your eye on back home? Or as usual you chickened out?

Are you now a woman after God's heart? Do you practice all we've been reading for the past few years? Are you the virtuous woman the bible speaks about  in Proverbs 31? Does your husband sing your praises?  Does he hurry home each day, are his relatives glad to be associated with you? Oh yeah, forgot to mention you got married, you din't wanna do that actually, and I'll admit the guy had to bribe you/ sign some contracts and virtually had to drag you down the aisle, but you are happilly married. What people said you were wrong to ever expect is actually a reality. You have no regrets with him you see, and you never will. Isnt that what you had been asking God for all along? If only you had known, you would have trusted God sooner. He gave you an imperfect person perfect for you. No tears, peace of mind, no infidelity, you lack nothing and you are all in perfect health. Your Sherlock Holmes ways amuse him and he's even your partner in crime at times when you're trying to figure stuff out. You see, he's got nothing to hide so he doesn't feel threatened by you and he's even helping you put your talents to good use..............

So you see, there was no need to dumb down, or lose your weirdness and genius-level IQ keen mind. I'm sure you even do some PI work on the side now, lol. Oh, did you finally get a career that involves the stuff that makes you happy? i.e shoes, clothes, and books? Ohhhh, the smell of a new book...*sigh*. Are you jet-setting, shopping for the wives of the high and mighty like you've always wanted?  Did you change your family's story like your heart has desired? Are you helping people, changing lives? Is your life a testimony for Christ? Are you leaving behind a great legacy and are your children taught of the Lord? Are they living life to the fullest instead of having a late start like you did because you didn't find Christ till you were in your twenties?

Did you sort out that issue? The one you know you know the solution to deep in your heart but you just still keep wasting years of your life and blame it on confusion? I am sure you did the right thing and we are over that phase for good now.

Are you living your best life? Are you ???!!! Don't you see it? Today is the tomorrow we spoke about yesterday. So are you living or just existing? People are wicked, they always will be, but its only your own soul that is in your hands. Do you still expect so much from people and depend on them? You mastered the art of being alone for about a year so what is your problem? People will do as they want, but we will be good to them anyways, life is too short. Remember you shouldnt have given them so much power in the first place. Reclaim your life right now. 

It hurts me how you still get disappointed. People are rarely concerned about others' issues. As long as it doesn't affect them directly, they would just shrug it off and carry on with their lives. but when it gets to their own issues, watch them spring into action with an agility you never knew they possessed. And those same excuses they gave you when it was your turn or maybe didn't even bother giving you, they just ignored your issues as usual wont matter to them anymore. People always do what they really want to do. No excuses. That's why it hurts me that because you take on people's issues you expect the same from them and keep getting disappointed each day. People will tell you they would do one simple thing, and you will be waiting and waiting, expecting it even days after, when you knew as soon as they said it that they didn't mean it. They showed you their true colours the first time but you refused to believe them. Mschewww. All hope is not lost though, at least they could be the politicians of tomorrow.

You know so many things, are you practising them? How can you preach what you are not putting into practice yourself? These are all truths I could swear by. I really wish you have been adopting them for the past couple of years.

Yes you we're hurt , you we're betrayed . But didnt I promise you it'll pass? It has. You are fine now. No more panic attacks or waking up from nightmares. It was partly your fault though. Why put so much trust in a mere mortal? Maybe it affected you so severely because you have a god complex grew up believing you're a goddess and things like that happen to others and not you. Well, you're still a goddess, its not your place to make someone realise that, neither is it your fault that they took you for granted.

As you have come to realise the hard way, you can beg, cry, be the best person and be there for them but they will still do what is in their mind to do and all your pleas will fall on deaf ears. So don't beat yourself up too much about it Ok? Hope you learnt from it though? Was all the anguish worthwile in the end? Isn't it C.S Lewis that said its when we are in pain that God is shouting to us with a megaphone. So what did you learn from it? Did you turn the mess to a message? I trust u have made me proud because Adele turned her own betrayal into Grammys and millions of pounds, so we must not carry last.

You peed on yourself again today. But I know that by the time you are reading this you have already received healing. You have faith in God like never before and you have a whole new bladder. You now have 20/20 vision as well. Oh and all that time you wasted being heartbroken when you were supposed to learn French and take makeup classes, I hope you have made up for that time now?

Do your siblings still chance you take advantage of you? Sadly, I don't think that's gonna change though. What can you do about that? Are you still a great friend? A sister to those wonderful girls that have made you and their family theirs? Even if you haven't made any new friends in all this time, trust me, you are covered on that front.

You know who you are. You are all that and a bag of chips!!! Stop second-guessing yourself, dont dumb down. Keep being good, don't let those experiences turn you wild or lead you into temptation. Keep repaying evil with good always. It pays off. Give, you will always have in abundance. Love, just be more discerning. 

Oh, and I love you. Despite the strict tone, I really do. Its just your silliness that irritates me.Live your best life now. This is your moment. Celebrate everything. Nothing is promised. Pray hard, work hard, as if you've never prayed.

At the beginning of this letter when I said you were happy. Did that freak you out? Surely you remember that we discovered the secret a while ago in Ecclesiastes 12:13?

"All has been heard; the end of the matter is: Fear God [revere and worship Him, knowing that He is] and keep His commandments, for this is the whole of man [the full, original purpose of his creation, the object of God’s providence, the root of character, the foundation of all happiness, the adjustment to all inharmonious circumstances and conditions under the sun] and the whole [duty] for every man. "

ENOUGH SAID