reVENGE

A dish...best served cold
A journey...that once embarked on would require u dig two graves
A game...that bodes more satisfaction before u play it than when its over
A burning thirst..for the other party to experience what u went thru..
A vain hope...that the acrid taste of betrayal would finally be washed out of your mouth for good
A lie..of d devil 2 deceive u into believing vengeance is yours
But
Its best..to wait till they inevitably end up at karma's restaurant....no need to order..we r all served what we deserve
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Lucky Number Seven

Its seven months today since I left home. Time really flies, I don't even believe it myself. I haven't seen my family in so long, especially my Mum.

I remember back then it felt like I was going to Oz. The first miracle was even getting the funds, I remember that my Mum had to clear her account for me, my aunt gave me over $6,000, my bro bought me a laptop, my sis gave me money for a phone.... I just have to be successful, and change my family's story, there are no two ways about it.

I dint know what it would be like, who I'd meet over there...I pestered so many people, lol. And God raised help for me, even people I'd never seen in my life started linking me up with their friends over here

I thank God for his awesome astounding grace, he alone made my coming here possible, divine provision and anointing for uncommon favour. I wasn't even sure at some point if it was the right move and I wasn't excited about the relocation tbh, but he alone knows y I came here and I wish fervently that every purpose he had for my coming here will be fulfilled

While others were bored, homesick, etc, I never felt any of that. Maybe its cos I'd been used 2 being alone for a long time so it wasn't strange to me, but I can only thank God

D things I have learned in this seven months are way more than I've learned in my entire life. About life, about people, myself, my walk with Christ...there is no life outside God, I cannot reiterate enough

I never begged bread or lacked any good thing, neither have I been at anyone's mercy. He has been faithful, even to me that's 'Miss last-minute', lol. But God goes before me each time and grants me good success. Never has this scripture held more meaning for me than now " My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness". Even I don't believe my grades at times.... I bless Jesus cos I am not the best but each time I have a testimony to tell and I say 'its Gods grace'...that his strength may always stand out in my weakness.

A few months to go, and I don't know what the next step would be, but as usual he's gone ahead of me already....
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J... is for..

A few years ago I was in the car with my ex and his friend. I think his friend was listening to something on the radio or reading something, then he turned to me and asked me if I could die for my ex. I laughed, like "R u serious??? That is ridiculous" and all, and my ex looked so hurt, saying he'd die for me in a heartbeat.

That remains to be seen though, he felt he could actually do it, but if a truck hit us that day, would he have shielded me and taken the full brunt of the impact? I really don't know, but to him, he felt he would have..

I lost a close relative and while we were at their house for condolence visit, the father kept saying how death was so cruel, and that y dint death take his mother instead of his child? And when we got home my Mum was so angry and kept saying how the man was a joker, that y dint he ask death to take him instead of his own child, that y bring his poor mother into it? That a parent should give their life for their child, and all that good stuff. So that's how I know, cos she implied it, that my Mum can give her life for me, or any of my siblings..

So in almost three decades of my life, only two people could possibly give their lives for me..

But Jesus... Oh sweet Jesus, even while I was yet a sinner, he bled till his last drop of blood drained out, all for me...

"Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one's life for one's friends.."

Y I luv Jesus'? Because there is no friend like him.. Especially at this point in my life where those I thought I was safe with still decide to make me the object of ridicule... So who else can be my best friend, the lover of my soul, the sweetest name to my ears, and my comforter?

When others used to be partial to people cos they were probably from the same tribe, or attended the same schools or something, my own weakness was always those that called on the name of Jesus, I always felt we had a bond somehow and I had a soft spot for them. I say 'had' now because I have been deceived by this before and let down my guard instead of observing actions, I was moved cos they were calling Jesus' name...

In Jesus I am safe, nothing and no one can hurt me again, he's my haven,my all in all..

I'm nothing, absolutely nothing without him. I won't be where I am today, I won't be as joyful as I am if not for him. Even though at times I feel like actually pouring my heart out to someone that can talk back to me audibly, but with Jesus, talking to him gives me peace, and when I hear that still small voice in response to my heart's words, I remember once again that he is real.

I thank God each day, that I was raised in a Christian home, and not just that but that I was raised by a mother who isn't just religious asper going to church 7x a week but still not living the life of a Christian..

My own mother wasn't just religious, she lives Christ, taught us the word of God, and even till now her impact is epic !!! I remember when I was in Uni and my Mum asked if I was a virgin and I was so happy to answer Yes, and she said that even when I have sexual urges, I should just talk to the Holy Spirit, and I will overcome

I love Jesus, there is nothing more important to me than making heaven. There are some times I just wanna burst, like I have to tell someone about this Lion that is also a Lamb, this friend that is also a lover, I can't tire of telling him how I love him, and he tells me back "Fearless u r awesome, u r beautiful, I luv u too"... There is NO GREATER LOVE..

Even when I do wrong and I see the consequences of my actions, I am still happy, cos I know that "Who the Lord loves he chasteneth" ...his love for me is awesome !!!

There is no life outside of Jesus...

I could go on and on and on, and as a matter of fact, this is the post I have been looking forward to writing the most

J...is for Jesus...the name above all names. If you've got Jesus, you've got all u need.

What better manufacturer than one who gave u a manual for your life- the BIBLE, freely.. So that you can live the best life ever..if u choose to
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I ...Is for Insouciance

For want of a nail the shoe was lost,
for want of a shoe the horse was lost,
for want of a horse the knight was lost,
for want of a knight the battle was lost,
for want of a battle the kingdom was lost.
So a kingdom was lost—all for want of a nail.

Insouciance is unconcern, indifference, a lackadaisical attitude, or being worry-free so to speak...

As much as we are all subject to Gods design for our lives, we still have to keep doing all we can, and put in our best, and not take things or people for granted,or we end up losing opportunities,destroying our careers, disappointing our families. We cannot afford to just 'see how it goes', or have an 'it doesn't really matter attitude' or keep passing our responsibilities to other people..because the consequences could be far worse than we could ever imagine

While its quite impossible to live a worry-free life, sometimes you just have to stop caring.

Three days ago, I wrote the saddest post of my life, and while i cant say it dint shatter me, or that the humiliation and betrayal is not real, but I had to be insouciant to get better. I say 'get better' because i cant say get over it. To say get over it means its something that happened a long time ago that I'm trying to forget.

This is stuff that's still happening, the people laughing are still laughing, still making jokes and talking about him and the other babes, about their bodies, stuff that i still cant believe in my wildest dreams...and i still cant hold my head up over there, so time will tell if i've truly overcome....like will I be able to face all the people involved one day and still feel fine?

Each time i tell my sis that i'm fine she doesn't believe me, she keeps waiting for the other shoe to drop, cos she says trust is my thing, and i always have to trust people or they don't exist for me anymore. maybe she's right and I'm actually in denial cos to be honest i ve almost lost all faith in people..

I don't wanna tempt fate and risk seeing all these people anytime soon, but the main thing is i'm coping right now, because i stopped caring, cos if you don't feel any love than you cant feel hatred right? so i stopped caring, my heart just feels ...empty...so maybe sometimes insouciance isn't such a bad thing. If i did not care at the outset, then i wont have been hurt as much.. so yeah i stopped caring totally.

I'm not trying to down play anyone's pain, or feel like superwoman or that I'm stronger than anyone..its not the same for everyone to be honest, but maybe I've just reached my own pain threshold and i don't get surprised or hurt anymore, cos there's only so much a heart can take after all..but my point is that you will be happy again someday, especially if you dint even deserve it in the first place, but me I've left all of them in God's hands and I'm tryna make the best of my life

Sometimes I feel like I'm on opium,and i think this is how the joy of the Lord actually feels, like you find out stuff right now that's supposed to run you mad, and instead you smile even as you find out that the person that betrayed you dint just betray you, but keeps twisting the knife in over and over again even a year after the 'mistake'.

You smile even when you're sooo angry with yourself for believing the lies, for believing that everything is in the past, when even a year after, you are still getting more and more humiliated. and its so ridiculous..

But I'm truly happy right now....and this is a high that i pray never wears off..
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